...to touch on another point about the suicides/hated issue. It is a sad day when someone takes a life, for whatever issues. But to blame it just on "bullying", I think is short-sighted...
Imagine spending six hours a day in total fear; fear of being taunted, teased and physically hurt. Imagine being young, small, powerless. Imagine your tormentors guessing your deepest secret.
Imagine being in church on Sunday in, literally, a sanctuary. Imagine being told that while God loves you, He also despises the part of you that the bullies do, that you have learned to despise in yourself. Imagine being told that all your future dreams of a family of your own are not in God's plan; that as alone as you feel right now is how alone you will always be.
Imagine that your parents, the people who love you the most, are putting a sign in your front yard that says you are not who they hoped you'd be. Imagine that hand that rocked you, held you, brushes your hair out of your eyes holding that sign proudly.
I do not question why some children find bullying to be fatal, my wonder is reserved for the fact that so many of them survive at all.
When someone is no longer here to speak for themselves, I believe the words they left behind. These children and young adults were tormented to death by bullies and by a society that does not accept them. We had to take our son out of school and home school him due to bullying. We have been where these families have been only it was not the end and there will never be a day in my life that I am not deeply, wholly thankful.
If you are person being bullied for your sexuality, there is help out there. There are people you've never met who love you just as you are and I am one of them. There are two links on the side of this page for you to use. If you are being bullied for any reason, call as well, it's okay. You are perfect as you are, you were born whole and complete. We need you here, please, stay.
11 comments:
Oh Fresh Hell,
How I love you.
Make no mistake people if you had a sign on your lawn (perhaps 3, 4, 5 or even more), on your car, on your person you bullied. Take your sugar coating and put it where the sun doesn't shine.
Keep writing Fresh Hell!! You rock!
Can someone get this woman some sponcers, pronto.
I don't know you, and like most everyone else saw your comments on CJane's blog. I thought all last night about contacting you. Decided against it, and saw your comment today and couldn't not say something.
I am LDS and I'm not here to debate. I'm here to thank you for tactfully explaining your feelings without attacking others. I really think when you feel so passionately about something, it's hard to not be angry. And I think you have done a great job. The comments that are mean spirited about the Mormon church? They physically hurt me, as I'm sure the comments about gays and lesbians do you. So I appreciate when someone can explain their point of view without attacking something so personal to me. Bottom line is, we may have to agree to disagree, but we should all still love each other.
If nothing else, this whole discussion has made me want to reach out to those who are hurting. To be more accepting of those who are different than me, and to always have love for everyone. Maybe that's the best thing that can happen.
Thank you for being respectful and not hurtful. I respect your feelings so much more because of that.
I hope this makes sense.
An outstanding post! Many blessings to you and your family. Much love from San Francisco.
You quoted me in your post, but failed to address the second half of that paragraph. And by doing that - you took it out of context. Here is is again:
..to touch on another point about the suicides/hated issue. It is a sad day when someone takes a life, for whatever issues. But to blame it just on "bullying", I think is short-sighted...(now here's the part you didn't include) "The issue is the generation these days seem to treat the value of a life differently. The lack of respect and civility to one another - and I don't mean the "bullying" mentality - but the complete disregard for someone's well being other than their own. We as parents need monitor our children (esp. with social media). We need to wake up and realize that we need to teach our children not just that "bullying" is wrong, but that life - and those who are living it - deserve respect and that it is selfish and wrong to not have regard to someone's well-being. And that everyone has a right to be who they are, and believe what they believe, just as long as it doesn't bring harm or injury to someone else. ie - tolerance."
We as parents need to love our children - we also need to be pro-active in teaching them to love others and love themselves no matter what. IT IS SHORT-SIGHTED to assume that the bullying is the only reason why our children are taking their own lives. We as parents (as a collective)are to blame too.
(Continued) We as a society - not the community of bullies - but the society in general are to blame because we are failing these kids. That is something we can all work toward...regardless of our stance
~Sheri~
Anonymous, Thank you all for your kind words.
Katie, Thank you for stopping by and sharing your pov. It makes perfect sense.
Sheri, I was feeling very upset when I wrote that post and I can see now that I did take your words out of context and I apologize for that.
Not as an excuse but to clarify where I am coming from...a lot of people are trying to downplay either the bullying or that the bullying was based on the victim being GLBTQ. And most of those people are opposed to gay marriage or in other ways are intolerant of GLBTQ. They want to oppose equal rights but do not want any negative consequences associated with that stand.
You were not taking that angle and instead offered a larger context that makes perfect sense. It turns out, I agree with you. I hope it's okay to let the post stand as it is.
Thanks. I wasn't trying to stir up negative emotions. I was honestly just trying to say that "bullying" is a blanket term for something that is far bigger and more complicated than that. It's easy to say "It's the Bully's Fault" because then if we are not the one bullying, then it's not our fault. I just think everyone needs to evaluate in their own way how to help these kids.
And I also appreciate your honesty and how you make your points. They are loving words that are not meant to incite anger or cause contention. They speak out of love and respect. I think that goes a long way. It has certainly made me think.
~Sheri~
Dear Fresh Hell,
Thank you for so eloquently expressing my views as well as many others.
As someone who tried to commit suicide twice in the 6th grade (which was 1985) because I was bullied daily -- I absolutely understand why kids can feel like it is the best option to stop their pain. It isn't. It gets better. But to dismiss the torment that bullying can bring to someone's life and change forever is at best unempathetic and at worst dangerous. And I wasn't even bullied because anyone thought I was an LGBTQ kid -- I was just bullied because the leaders of the pack decided I was the one to get it.
And it changed me forever.
I do think that parents can and do miss a lot of the cues around bullying -- mine certainly did. It wasn't until a teacher saw one of my classmates throw me down the stairs that anyone did anything about it -- because like a classic battered victim - I assumed the best thing to do was to not make a big deal out of it and it would end.
I am LDS. I loosely follow cjane's blog, and my mother commited suicide. I came to see your blog out of curiosity, and found reference to the young people who took their lives.
I can't imagine the devastation for their families.
I've read a lot of opinions this afternoon, so many of them expressed with kindness and respect; I wish more dialogue were as dignified.
I do believe in the power of choice, and that to teach the strength of will can be empowering. I've wept many times wishing that my mom had seen another choice, that she had seen more strength in herself- more hope and light in the world.
Still, I am thankful for your remarks. They made me consider the feelings of someone struggling to reconcile their religious beliefs with their sexual tendencies, and attempt to understand what it must be to fight something you've felt since birth, something so central to your identity.
I am certain your son is magnificent as all children are. I know you will keep telling him that he is perfect, with no defect.
I commit to you that I will teach my children to honor him, and others. I will teach them kindness, and respect. They will be expected to speak out when others are cruel, and to step forward when anyone's dignity is threatened.
Whatever you may think of President Packer, the man who's remarks sparked such conversation this week, I dare say he might hold the same expectations for LDS people
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