Asking, Telling, Waiting

Today a two-day hearing begins on the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." I wish I could say I feel confident that it will be repealed because that is how it should be. Not only public opinion, but opinion within the military shows a majority favor the repeal yet I fear we are going to be held hostage, yet again, to the far right.

As a military spouse of 22 years and the mother of a son who is gay, I feel especially tied up in this issue. It's absolutely heart wrenching to know that there are thousands of spouses out there who cannot be public about their relationship with a service member. It's hard enough with a support system. To have to do it alone? I cannot imagine. To know that it is the policy of this country that my son is not fit to serve if he chose to? Infuriating, to put it mildly.

I try to remember what my son tells me when I start getting worked up, "Mom, It's just a matter of time. The old men who are controlling this issue are going to die and the next generation will make it right."

Maybe the right thing will happen today, maybe DADT will be repealed tomorrow. I'll watch and wait with guarded hope.

Not from Here but this is Home

I left for Parents Weekend 27 days ago and today I am home! What was supposed to be a fun, four day quick trip to Boston turned into a medical crisis and then a three week recovery at my sister's home in western Massachusetts.

Words fail me when I try to describe how kind and helpful my sister, her husband, my niece, nephew and our parents were over those three weeks. They ferried me around to endless doctors appointments and PT sessions in a heated pool, fed me one delicious meal after another, kept my spirits up and basically made me feel like they had been hoping I would show up unannounced and helpless. As much as I wanted to return home, it was difficult to leave.

Now I am home and it is wonderful! Mr Fresh Hell, Texas has the house perfectly clean, there is not one thing for me to do. Now I have to hook-up with my local doctors and get back into the rhythm of home. Then I have to find a job! Many adventures ahead of me and I'm so glad to be having them at home.

Little Littles

That's what we call babies who have just become mobile and verbal. Not quite toddlers, not quite babies anymore. Little littles.

Today at the Y I happen to see a mother trying to walk her LL past the pool. LL pointed longingly at the pool and said, "ooooooooooool." Her mother explained that pool time was tomorrow and today they were going to tumbling. Wasn't that exciting? Pool tomorrow and tumbling today? To which our Little Little plopped down, flicked off one of her shoes clearly getting ready to put on her swim gear and said the most perfect, sweetest, softest, "No. oooooooooooool."

Little Littles are some of my very favorite people. They tell it like it is in such a lovely way.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Get Me Started

Until a month ago, I was part of an active duty military family and had been for over two decades. Although we are a retired military family now (wow, that went fast!), I found this from an NY article to be completely unsurprising:

..a not-yet-released Pentagon survey of active-duty forces and their families shows that the majority do not care if gay men and women serve openly, which the policy forbids...

I have no idea what the average civilian believes the average military family member thinks about all day. When women were first being placed in combat positions, a lot of civilians assumed those of us married to men in the military were spending a lot of time fretting about infidelity (because, as every knows, infidelity can only happen on a military ship, base or in combat.) Lately it's been speculated that we've been worried about The Gays and the possibility that they would destroy unit cohesiveness; not to mention buy out all the MAC cosmetics at the Exchange. Holla, girlfriend, but do not hog all the glitter!

I can tell you what I often thought of, what my friends think of...we'd like to see our active duty loved one again; alive, whole and as we sent them off. Or at least just see them again because injuries can be managed but death is final. So, yes, that's it, we'd just to see them alive again.

There is no way they are going to make it for all (most) of the holidays, so we stopped thinking about that years ago. It would be so nice for them to see their baby born or have more time with the baby they gave birth too but that's often just not reality. We attend funerals on our spouses behalf, knowing they've got to grieve in brief times of true rest.

We also pay the bills, work for pay, raise our kids, keep the household going and maintain a marriage across time and combat. I challenge someone who truly believes that we are spending our time thinking about how The Gays are just going to ruin everything to do what we do for one year. Just one year, not one decade or two, then you get back to me with how much free time you had to think about that kind of nonsense.

I know my loved ones are the best and brightest. We want them to serve with the best and brightest as well. I wonder why it's okay to exclude someone because they are gay with the mountains of evidence of honorable service by those who served closeted. I do think about that.

Most of all, we think about seeing them alive. Please. Just one more time.

The Crawling of the Parent

Family and Friends Weekend was wonderful right up until I blew out my back. Rendered only able to crawl around our hotel room, the decision was made that my sainted sister would drive to Boston to get me while Mr FreshHellTexas flew home...someone has to pay for this party, yes?

That was a week ago yesterday. Like my distant ancestors before me, I have emerged from the warmth of the water (bathtub) to propelling myself around dry land (still not fully upright but certainly bi-pedial)

My sainted family as really stepped up to help. I'm staying with my sister and BIL plus my parents drive down each work day to ferry me around to doctors/pool. Highlights include the shot of morphine I was given revealing that I am allergic to morphine and being so high that I would forget to take my next dose and then fall apart because of the pain (this happened several times.)

Here's to walking upright and getting back to the Lone Star State!