Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Get Me Started

Until a month ago, I was part of an active duty military family and had been for over two decades. Although we are a retired military family now (wow, that went fast!), I found this from an NY article to be completely unsurprising:

..a not-yet-released Pentagon survey of active-duty forces and their families shows that the majority do not care if gay men and women serve openly, which the policy forbids...

I have no idea what the average civilian believes the average military family member thinks about all day. When women were first being placed in combat positions, a lot of civilians assumed those of us married to men in the military were spending a lot of time fretting about infidelity (because, as every knows, infidelity can only happen on a military ship, base or in combat.) Lately it's been speculated that we've been worried about The Gays and the possibility that they would destroy unit cohesiveness; not to mention buy out all the MAC cosmetics at the Exchange. Holla, girlfriend, but do not hog all the glitter!

I can tell you what I often thought of, what my friends think of...we'd like to see our active duty loved one again; alive, whole and as we sent them off. Or at least just see them again because injuries can be managed but death is final. So, yes, that's it, we'd just to see them alive again.

There is no way they are going to make it for all (most) of the holidays, so we stopped thinking about that years ago. It would be so nice for them to see their baby born or have more time with the baby they gave birth too but that's often just not reality. We attend funerals on our spouses behalf, knowing they've got to grieve in brief times of true rest.

We also pay the bills, work for pay, raise our kids, keep the household going and maintain a marriage across time and combat. I challenge someone who truly believes that we are spending our time thinking about how The Gays are just going to ruin everything to do what we do for one year. Just one year, not one decade or two, then you get back to me with how much free time you had to think about that kind of nonsense.

I know my loved ones are the best and brightest. We want them to serve with the best and brightest as well. I wonder why it's okay to exclude someone because they are gay with the mountains of evidence of honorable service by those who served closeted. I do think about that.

Most of all, we think about seeing them alive. Please. Just one more time.